dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
im about as happy as oj after his trial
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
