i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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