it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
