Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
