im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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