maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
