Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
