I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
