I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Still dying that you shit outside
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize