Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
