hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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