I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
