Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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