oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
