shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
