you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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