Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
