i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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