HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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