It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
