all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
