I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize