My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize