I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
