I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
