He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
