i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
