Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
