Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
