had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
