Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
