so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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