I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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