Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
