I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize