I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
