Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
