You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
high people should be assigned attendants
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
