So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
