Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
