this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
