if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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