i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
