I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
