I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
