Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
