Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
