i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize