Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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