just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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