It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
