So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
