I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
