Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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