i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
