No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
