When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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