Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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