Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
