WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
