I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
