i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
