Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
