Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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