dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
