I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
